Advice on people

Fake Friends 

 

Good evening! I know it’s very late, but this has been toying on my mind for a couple of weeks. I thought that it was about time to finally let it out and tell you what I’ve experienced in the hope that you can relate; and that I can help people; because you aren’t alone … People get treated like this and it sucks.
If you want to read my personal experience on fake friends, and how to deal with it have a little read below :).
 
If you want to read about other advice click here!
 

What is a fake friend?

  • Fundamentally, from my personal experience a fake friend is someone who isn’t always there for you. For example, if you are having a bad time at work, school, home etc. they support you when they can be bothered, if not at all. They are “too busy” to deal with your problems; which could be the case; but a TRUE friend would give you time out of their day to make sure that you are happy and healthy. 
  • A fake friend is someone who won’t make time for you … You are always free and wanting to see them, but they always have something going on; they have to walk their dog, they suddenly aren’t feeling well, they have made other plans and forgot etc. Which again could be the case, but they always have an excuse to why they never hang out with you. I would know, I was trying to make arrangements with someone for nearly a year. 
  • A fake friend is someone that pretends to understand you, for example they will sit there and pretend they are interested in what you have to say, for them to talk about their issues of their successes and rub it in your face. This is one of the most hurtful aspects, simply because you believe in yourself that you can not only trust them, but think that they actually care and respect you; when in fact it’s all a lie.
  • They use you. A fake friend will use you for: your time or money, for example, if they are bored, or they’ve been cancelled on they will suddenly contact you out of the blue and ask if you can meet up. They are using you for your time as they know that you will come running. I know from my personal experience this was always the case; I would message my friend, constantly reminding them if they were free; or when they would like to see me; but it was always, “I’m super busy” … But they would change their mind a few hours later if their other plans failed. 
  • Fake friends lie to you, this has happened to me on so many occasions, for example if I had wanted to see said person, they would use the common excuse, “I’m super busy”, “I’m at work”, for me to find them on social media chilling in their back-garden … Oh yeah, “super busy” alright. 

My experience:

In my 19 years of existence I have come into contact with MANY fake friends. It’s something that happens to everyone unfortunately. In regards to my experience it’s been an emotional  roller coaster, I’ve had my ups and downs, being ignored for months, and then for them to come back into my life like nothing happened. Some people have really messed me up, and think that it’s ok because I’m “nice”. Taking advantage of somebody because they hold a lot of patience is cruel and upsetting. On the other hand, it has taught me life lessons. One being, be careful who you trust, for example I had a really close friend, I thought the world of her, I told her pretty much everything about me; and she left without a word or trace. I learnt quickly that everything she told me was a lie, if she cared about me that much she wouldn’t of left. I learnt that I have to be careful who I trust; I’m an open book I will talk about anything; but personal details about my life stay enclosed to people I really love and care about. 
In addition to this, I have also learnt to let go, you can’t expect everyone in your life to stay, you have to be prepared that some people do leave and you have no idea why. Don’t blame yourself because it’s not you it’s them. They are the one mistreating you, you don’t deserve this backlash. If someone does leave, don’t be disheartened, remember it was them and not you; if you know deep down that you did nothing then don’t blame yourself, it’s not worth the sleepless nights and panic attacks; believe me I learnt the hard way; some things happen for a reason. And your reason being that you can find a true and proper friend :). 

How do deal with it? 

When I was going through this my first port of call was to question myself. For example, I would draw a spider diagram, put questions in the middle and pin point what I thought was the route cause. The questions were as followed:

  • What happened for them to go off me?
  • What have I done?
  • What haven’t I done?
  • What are they like?
  • Why have I been making all the effort and not them?
If you can answer these questions with confidence and analyse them clearly, and you come to the conclusion that it’s not you it’s them … Then you are right. You do not need to blame yourself because it’s not your fault that they are behaving in such a cruel and selfish manor. 
I cried. A LOT. It’s healthy to cry and let your feelings out, you have been betrayed by someone you thought cared about you; you deserve to cry! Don’t be scared to either, I was at first because I thought I was being ridiculous but I wasn’t. I wrote down my feelings and spoke to my mum and Chris. After explaining the entire situations on both sides they reassured me that it wasn’t me, it was them and I should stop putting so much time and effort into that person who isn’t worth it.  
Little one’s you are not the route cause of their behaviour, they can only change when they want to; so stop blaming yourself because it;s not your fault. I’ve stopped blaming myself, I’ve stopped crying and caring for that person, because you are so much better than them :). 
If you have a fake friend in your life and they have not left, then leave then and give them a CLEAR explanation of why. That way they are not left in the dark, and they can reflect on their bad behaviour and change in the future. 
 
Thank you for reading this blog post, I really hope this helped; I know for a fact that this would have helped me a few months ago; because I was going out of my mind. If you need any reassurance or comfort I am always here to talk to, you can use my social media below or personal email to contact me; whatever you are comfortable with 🙂 
I love you all so very much and I will see you tomorrow morning with my first give away blog post 🙂 Stay tuned and stay safe 🙂 x x x 

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