LIFE UPDATE-QUIT MY JOB, UNIVERSITY, MENTAL HEALTH

LIFE UPDATE | QUIT MY JOB, UNIVERSITY, MENTAL HEALTH:

Good evening Little Ones! I already posted this, but I ended up deleting it as I wasn’t happy with the initial outcome, so here’s another blog post! I hope you enjoy the read, I will be writing a separate blog post on my mental health story; so stay tuned for that!  

To ensure you are keeping up to date with my daily blog posts, click here to read more! Without any further or do, let’s roll on the life update!

NEW JOB:

These past few months have been magical yet traumatic, I’ve been blessed with several learning experiences, and it’s moulded me into a better individual. Tuesday 16th January 2018, I was offered the job of my dreams, I remember applying and instantly thinking that I was going to receive an automated email stating that they wouldn’t take my application any further.
However, fortunately enough for me, that didn’t happen, a few days past, and they emailed me scheduling a phone interview, I was buzzing with excitement, praying that they would put me through to the next round.
The day of the phone interview whirled around, and we clicked immediately, I was talking to this woman like I’d known her for years, near the end of the conversation she stated that she couldn’t wait to meet me … Insinuating that I had passed the telephone interview. Shortly after the call, I received an email informing me when and where the face-to-face interview will take place. I was over the moon, anxiety and fulfilment were the only two emotions that clutched me for weeks.
Thursday 4th January, at 3:00pm … It was time to shine, it was a typical interview, we were chatting, laughing, generally getting along, I had a really good feeling tingling inside of me. We were there for only what seemed to be 5 minutes, but that wasn’t the case. We were sitting in a quiet corning for over 30 minutes … It was fantastic, before we closed the conversation; she exclaimed that she was going to email me dates for the third and final interview with her boss. I contained my excitement and maintained my professionalism, (even if my brain had turned into ultimate fan-girl).
It was a while before I heard anything, I started to doubt myself … Intense thoughts consumed me, ‘did I do something wrong?’, ‘what if they’ve found someone better?’, am I not good enough?’
The morning of the 16th January 2018, I heard my work phone buzzing down the walls, my immediate reaction was to run as fast as I could, dreading that the person on the other side would hang up. I answered, and it was the lovely lady that had interviewed me, the conversation in a nutshell was, that she felt so confident with the other interview, they thought it was best that they just offer me the roll; with no further interview.
The amount of thank you’s that followed must have irritated her … But I didn’t care, I had worked my ass off to get that job, I’m still so thankful to this day. I start Wednesday 7th February 2018 … And I couldn’t be happier.
In the next segment, I’m going to be using FAKE names, to keep the individual’s identity private.

WHY I QUIT MY OLD JOB:

What lead me to applying for a new job in the first place? That’s the depressing truth … I’m not going to mention the company, or names, as they deserve to stay hidden.
First and foremost, I had worked at a former phone company in my hometown, I’d grown detached, my team had abandoned the store, what I fell in love with originally wasn’t there. So, I decided to pack my bags and flee the nest.
Evidently, I was on the hunt for a new job, hours on end online, and I applied for a supervisor role at my local camping store, a few days past and I was shopping in town, I saw the same advert in the store I’d applied to several days ago, since I already had my CV on hand, I decided to personally hand it into the store. You could say that’s silly, but I was determined to obtain a new job, moments later I received an email from the store manager, asking when I was available for an interview, I replied with said dates and times, and we went from there.
Time swooshes past, and it was time for my interview, the first stage was simple, put together a ski-outfit for a family that has never been, in this exercise I bonded with the manager; she was extremely cool and easy to talk to, eventually it was time for the second part of the interview, where the deputy manager Simon stepped in.
First impressions, kind and again easy to connect with, he asked the questions and I simply answered them. Like my previous interview, I was calm, collected and had a good feeling, after the interview he went downstairs to talk to Tracy, he was gone for a good 20 minutes; I started to get nervous as I had no idea what was taking place. Eventually, he reappeared and sat down opposite me, he said, “unfortunately, we aren’t going to offer you the trial shift, instead would you like the job?” From wanting to cry with utter devastation, to abundantly thrilled … My answer was “yes”, obviously I needed a new job, why would I say no? 
But if only I knew then, what I knew now… Autumn was coming to a close, hello winter weather! October was finally here, and it was time for me to crack down with my new job, I had met the team and I loved them, we seemed to get on really well. After a week of settling down, Simon asked me if I wanted to walk to work with him, he already lived in my area, and my home was on the way to work; so, I agreed.
We arrived at work and set up the store as usual, it was a slow start, and since I was the new person, Simon still wanted to get to know me, and vice versa. His questions remained simple, ‘what do you do in your spare time?’, ‘where have you worked?’, ‘what has been your favourite job?
It was pretty basic, but I was playing along, half-way through the day, I decided to check the area emails, this consists of what other stores have sold, any updates etc. I started to feel uneasy, Simon was situated behind me, but he didn’t say anything; I could just hear him breathing. He proceeded to move beside me, where all the daily paperwork was, but as he moved he decided to briefly place his hands on my hips. I flinched, and automatically walked away, his mannerism shifted, his questions took a dive into the inappropriate pool, “If you could have sex with someone in this store, who would it be?” … I didn’t know how to react, laugh in his face, or call him an asshole? I couldn’t take him seriously, so I sarcastically, said, “Tracy, she’s a laugh”. You would think I murdered his entire family with the look he gave me, Simon responded, “why not me?” This made me exceeding uncomfortable, to which I said, “seriously, I’m engaged”.
I was praying that Sarah (another member of staff), would hurry along and start her shift, it was like she could hear me, because guess who walked through the door.
Unfortunately, this agonising behaviour lasted until the breaking point, where he thought it was acceptable to massage me behind the till, I was done. I waited until I could talk to Tracy alone, I broke down into a puddle of tears, her reaction was to call my area manager and have him take up the investigation.
Eventually Simon was sacked and I thought I was safe from all the unwanted drama. 
What’s that sound? “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way”, Christmas had arrived! My favourite time of the year, I had been doing full-time work, on top of university, as we were still trying to find someone to replace Simon.
One evening, I was doing my usual job of cashing up, Chris was waiting outside, but he was getting over the flu, I decided to let him inside, as one I’d seen Tracy let people in the store while cashing up, and I didn’t want him to get any worse. Sound logical right?
Being clumsy I dropped 5p, it rolled into the world of no returns, my immediate reaction was to take 5p out of my purse; but before I could Chris had already offered.
HE WAS NO WHERE NEAR THE TILL … Just to make this clear, and Sarah was also on the shop floor and could see EVERYTHING.
I cashed in all the money, and ensured that I had £100 till float, and £50 safe float … Everything was perfect, Sarah even signed and declared that everything was there. 
A few days past and it was time for work, I said “Hello” to Tracy, but she didn’t respond, I assumed that she was having a stressful day, I put my bag away and casually walked down the stairs … Before I opened the shop floor door, Tracy was standing there, “can I have a word privately please” … Obviously I said yes and we walked into the staff room. 
Tracy proceeded to ask me several questions the night I was cashing up, when she finished I asked her, “what is this all about, do you think I’ve stolen something?”
She said, “not me personally, but another member of staffed was concerned” … I automatically thought of Sarah, as she was the last person I worked with. 
I was utterly disgusted, and stated, “If I had, why did she sign and declare that everything was 100% right, and why did you count and declare that it was correct the next morning?”
Tracy was speechless, she even said that there was NO EVIDENCE on CCTV of me taking anything, but they still deiced to run the investigation. Why you may ask? Simply because Sarah was extremely jealous that I was coming for her job, which I didn’t want in the first place, due to the fact that my anxiety and depression was at an all time high.  I was trying to squeeze 35 hours a week at work, as well as attending University; (I had to miss several sessions because Tracy needed me to work).
On the SAME DAY OF THE ACCUSATION, Tracy let me GO TO THE BANK with the money, as well as CASH UP … If I had stolen anything, why did you not contact the police, and why would you let me handle money? 
A few days pass, and I couldn’t take it anymore, she branded me a thief, even though there was no sufficient evidence! I decided that I didn’t want to work in a place where they wrongly accused me of stealing, before I left THE ALLEGATION WAS DROPPED, I WAS PROVED INNOCENT, DUE TO EVERYTHING BEING CORRECT. 
But Amy,  why would you still leave? Why would I work for a company that wrongly accuses innocent members of staff stealing?
I had 3 weeks off … It gave me time to think if I wanted to head into retail again, as well as repairing my mental health. That was my number one priority, thankfully I made the right decision, I don’t regret leaving in the slightest, I wish I’d done it sooner. 

UNIVERSITY: 

Firstly, I’ve just completed my first semester of my second year with flying colours, I’ve been predicted a first, and it feels fantastic.
My work ethic has only improved, and I can’t wait to dive into my exam in a couple of days, as well as my new units! If you aren’t aware I study marketing, and I couldn’t be happier. 
On the other hand, socially it’s not great, I don’t have many dedicated friends, and the people I can call friends are in third year, and study computer science … Which I know nothing about. 
But, I’m working on it, I need to improve my self-confidence, and accept that not everyone is out there to get me.

MENTAL HEALTH: 

Anxiety and depression still stalk me, just chilling on my shoulder … Could you go away please? You weren’t invited to the party. 
Who to start with first? Anxiety! Kindly, you aren’t as bad as you used to be, my panic attacks rarely arise, only when I’m extremely nervous and anxious … But I know the signs, and I try to deal with it as best as I can. I still need to tackle social scenarios, I completely avoid them at all costs, just thinking about it gives me sweaty palms. But I’m so much better with public transport, more specifically the London underground! I still need to work on irrational fears, such as not being able to walk down the street, (regardless if it’s day or night), with headphones in, I’m scared that someone is following me. I swear I’m not crazy … 
Well hello there depression … Still there, still likes to taunt me, and laugh when I feel numb, but I’m getting better living with it, I wouldn’t say that it’s improving, like I mentioned previously, I’m just getting better with living with it, since I’ve suffered this unwanted visitor for so many years! But don’t fear, I’m getting a new private therapist, talking to people really does help; and I don’t want to pester anyone in my personal life. 
Anyhow, this is the end of this blog post! This is a re-post as this dumb ass managed to delete while trying to make improvements … I know, I’m silly! 
I hope you enjoyed this read, it was quite hard for me to write, but I want you to know me on a personal level, so here I am, writing away. 
I hope you relish the rest of your day, and I will see you again tomorrow with another blog post! I have no idea what it’s going to be, but I will prepare something non the less. 
I love you all so very much, remember to stay safe and stay tuned 🙂 x x x

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