MENTAL HEALTH | QUESTION AND ANSWER

DEPRESSION, EATING DISORDER AND RELATIONSHIPS:

Good evening Little Ones! Today has been utterly fantastic, everything is falling back into place, I may have managed to rekindle an old relationship, but we will see what happens in the near future.
As you can tell by the title, I have an unplanned question and answer, instead of traditional questions such as, how old are you, when is your birthday etc.
 I decided to dedicate these questions and answers in regards to my mental health, as I’ve received an abundant amount of questions … I’m very open about my mental health, and I’m going to obligate an entire blog post on my story very shortly. 

To ensure you are keeping up to date with my daily blog posts, click here to read more! Without any further or do, let’s roll on the interview!

 

 

1. HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED?

I’ve been under the thumb of clinical depression for several years, to begin with I thought it was normal to feel nothing … As well as suicidal thoughts, I assumed it was down to stress and not being able to sleep. But these nightmares consumed me until I nearly took my own life … Enough was enough and I decided at the age of 17 to contact my doctor, of which they prescribed me a vast amount of medication … Two years past and the nightmares I endured fed my insomnia.
I threw medication out of the window, and decided to talk to a professional therapist, it was fantastic to begin with; but my A-Levels took over, I had no time for myself, or my mental health … I relapsed, nearly taking my life again. 
I’m now 20, turning 21 in a matter or weeks, and I’m still the same, I feel like it’s getting worse … So I’ve been given the medication route again, this time I hope it works it’s magic. 
I knew that when I started to self-harm, something wasn’t normal … It sounds strange and completely obvious to something that doesn’t suffer with depression, but alarm bells didn’t go off immediately, until I looked at myself in the mirror, and realised what I was doing. 

2. DO I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER?

Every time I see this question I cringe … And I tell you why. I want to portray honesty here, and I find it hard to answer. 
Yes and no … I’m not ready to go into too much detail, it used to be much worse, but I feel like I have it under control.
Just like my depression, I have good days and bad days … I don’t make myself sick, but I do skip meals on a regular basis, and I don’t eat as much as I should. And yes, sometimes I worry about the calorie intake, and some days I hate the way I look, but I’m not ready to address this probably.
I don’t appreciate the, “you’re so skinny comments” … Makes me feel worthless. 

3. HOW DOES YOUR ANXIETY AFFECT YOU DAILY?

Anxiety loves to appear at the best of times, take today for example, it took me 45 minutes to call an old friend, and patch up the remainder of our relationship. Before I pressed the call button, I endured several panic attacks, I had gotten myself into such a panic-ridden state, I was shaking … And you could hear it in my voice. 
Once the conversation started to flow my nerves faded away, I started to ramble away, (which is what i do when I’m extremely anxious), after the call ended shivers ran up my spine, and I began to shake, I was freezing cold, and couldn’t contain my emotions. 
On a day to day basis, depending on what I’m doing, it tingles my brain and stops me from communicating with people, hence why I shut down, and find it exceedingly challenging to build relationships; hence why I have a select amount of friends.

4. HOW DOES YOUR DEPRESSION AFFECT YOU DAILY?

Oh depression, why do you do this to me? Everyday I feel numb, I find it hard to find a purpose … But if it wasn’t for this blog, university and my dear friends and family, I don’t think I would be here. 
I’ve changed, and I’m hoping at some point in the near future it all makes sense, I can’t talk to someone; but typing in hopes of someone being able to relate is all I ask for. 
Hence why I’m answering these significant questions in the first place.
Depression latches onto my back, hoping I feed it fear, tears and blood … It’s constantly stalking me, my reaction is to bottle it up and pretend that it doesn’t exist. Hence why I’m going back onto medication. 
Right Little Ones, I think this is all I can answer for now, it’s taken me a total of 2 hours to write this, and I was hesitant of posting, but this may help someone out there.
I hope you enjoyed the read, please share this around, we need to help people that are suffering in silence. 
Remember to stay safe and stay tuned Little Ones! I love you all so very much! 🙂 x x x 

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